Prophet = Profit (and Poon!)

This is a somewhat rambling post, based on my recent reading about fundamentalist Mormons in the American west.

Myself, I am agnostic. I am also interested in history, and what reading of religious texts I have done, I have approached in the same way I read the Iliad, Gilgamesh, or Confucius. In this way the Old Testament, for instance, is an interesting treatise on life in the ancient Middle East in the waning years of the Assyrian Empire. Seemingly weird prohibitions, like eating shellfish, make sense if your extended clan used the local estuary as a sewer.

This leads to the hidden topic of this post – polygamy. Certainly, the Old Testament is full of dudes with more than one wife. The Bible has many prophets and major players with many wives, and they manage to take down the occasional handmaiden as well. And plural marriage may have been a benefit to the tribal culture of the ancient Hebrews, too.

Chinese history shows plural marriage. The prophet Muhammad took many wives. It shows up in many cultures throughout history, not just the Hebrews in the lands we now call Palestine.

I’m purely speculating, but I could see how a herding, warrior-based tribe of folks needed to be fairly badass while taking their herds and flocks through other tribes’ lands in the ancient Middle East. And they were probably pretty badass for a relatively small tribe. In fact, many historians think that the Hyksos nomads, who brought down the first Egyptian Dynasty, were the ancestors of the Hebrews. So, when settling among the Baalites, Philistines, Egyptian outposts and others, to have your baddest warriors impregnating multiple wives might have been a necessity – insuring genetic badassedness for generations.

Having powerful clans be fruitful in a patriarchal tribe in the ancient Levant makes sense, at least a little. By Roman times, the Greeks had already shown that any sturdy farmer can be given a short spear, a shield, and a little training, join a phalanx formation and kick lots of ass. Technology and tactics mitigated the need to breed little warriors. This is perhaps why there is much less (if any – again, I’m no expert) polygamy in the New Testament.

Anyway, the stories of the prophets in the Old Testament are where the Mormons found historical and ecclesiastic legitimacy for plural marriage. And though it is true that the LDS Church officially denounces polygamy, fundamentalist Mormon offshoots practice it today.

And I must say, all things being equal, I’m for it.

I am for marriage freedom. Adult Americans should be free to enter into marriage with any consenting adult, or adults, they wish. At least 50% of Americans are for plural marriage, anyway. Just not at the same time. Our divorce rate is around 50%. Who will tell an American that, after divorcing, they have used their one marriage, so no more? Just about nobody.

I’m for gay marriage too. And here’s a huge irony – the LDS (Latter Day Saints - the Mormons) Church spent many millions of dollars to pass Proposition 8 in California. They are so bent on preventing the marriage freedom of others; they spent that kind of cash on the issue of gay marriage in a neighboring state! Again, the official position of the LDS is that they are against polygamy, but they sure aren’t spending that kind of cash to end it. There are quite a few polygamist communities in Utah, northern Arizona, Nevada, and elsewhere throughout the west, British Columbia and northern Mexico. The Mormons tend to turn a blind eye, while actively fighting same-sex marriage rights.

In spite of what I perceive to be Mormon hypocrisy on marriage rights, I would still support their right of plural marriage, both as a religious practice guaranteed by the First Amendment, and by the argument above that people should marry whom they want to. As Thomas Jefferson once said, it “neither picks my pocket, nor breaks my leg.” I mean, what difference does it make to me if two, three or more consenting adults decide to marry? No harm, no foul!

The key phrase, however, is “consenting adult.” This, to me, is very important, and why I think most people get so squeamish about polygamy. The examples in history, books and media usually go as follows: Middle-aged dude with middle-aged wife suddenly thinks another wife would be a good idea. He usually thinks this when he meets a mid-teen girl that smiles at him and gives him a boner. If he can swing it, he now has his middle-aged wife and a teenage wife, who he enjoys banging like crazy.

This is in fact the story of Joseph Smith, the founder of Mormonism. Polygamy, or “celestial marriage” as he called it, was not part of the original golden plates of mysterious Egyptian writing that he translated into the Book of Mormon. No, it was more than a decade later, when he and his wife were both middle-aged, that he received a revelation from God that told him to marry the hot 16-year-old girl he had recently become infatuated with. A very handy revelation, no?

Being a middle-aged dude myself, with a middle-aged wife, I can’t imagine pulling that one off. I can imagine the frying pan wounds for just bringing it up, though. (By the way, Joseph Smith’s wife, Emma, wasn’t having it either. She raised holy hell in the community, and after Smith’s death, helped found a rival Mormon faction which still has a quarter million followers today – decidedly NOT polygamous.)

So, prophets throughout history seem to have some things in common: charisma, power over groups of people, and the blessing of their god. It seems to me, they use their divine authority to impart the following instructions: Do what I say, give me money or stuff, let me at your young, hot daughters.

I explained earlier how polygamy might have been beneficial to a tribal society in the ancient world. But for Muhammad, Chinese emperors, and certainly Joseph Smith and the Mormons, it seems to be about banging young hot chicks. And maybe that was the deal for Abraham and Moses too. Who are we kidding? It probably was! And if you are a dude, especially a middle-aged dude, you can see the carnal benefits of being a prophet. Tapping young, strange stuff, and NOT losing your family must sound like a great deal if you can pull it off. But in the 21^st Century, and really, for at least the 20^th Century too, there is such a thing as too young.

If you are a 40-year-old dude, who believes that plural marriage is a religious right, and nobody else’s business, I’m with you. But if you want to “marry” a 16 year old girl, or younger, you are a fucking pervert, and if you do it, a rapist. The issue isn’t sex, it’s consent. That is the reason for the statutory rape laws. In my state, over 18 better not fuck 16 or under. If you do, you will be considered a rapist and a sexual predator.

This is because kids are impressionable, inexperienced and not capable of granting consent in certain situations. If the rangy, nasty, forty-something dude is claiming prophet status, or even just divine revelation-receiving ability, and can convince a hot young chick that God himself wants her to give it up to said skeezy prophet, well, I can’t have it. If a 20 year old falls for it I might say “well, you shoulda’ known better,” although I’d be holding my nose. But not a sophomore, or freshman, or middle school girl. Hell no!

And the stories in media of modern day polygamists are full of the 14 year old “wives” giving birth to some 40+-year-old guy’s eleventh child by multiple wives. That doesn’t pick my pocket, or break my leg, but adults have to look out for the kids. Now, are there examples of middle-aged dudes who take several middle-aged wives, and we just don’t hear about it? Could be, and I have no problem if there is mutual consent. But old dudes don’t get to fuck kids in modern America without consequence!

I don’t consider the LDS church any more, or less crazy that any other religion in America, or any part of the world. In fact, I admire the truly American traits in this continuation of the Jesus story, and am not surprised at its success. But, that does not excuse the hypocrisy, which I will revisit, because it pisses me off.

Really, Mormon Church, really? You will actively crusade against gay people, spending millions in church money to hurt people outside of Utah while your own parishioners are sympathetic to, or participating in the rape of children? Again, I know that official LDS policy is “no polygamy.” But have you spent tens of millions in a highly public campaign to do away with the manipulation and rape of young girls through plural marriage? If so, I sure missed it. I think you are throwing stones in a glass house where marriage rights are concerned. Geez, a hypocritical religion…imagine the surprise of this old agnostic.

And finally, what the fuck is up with religion and the sexual abuse of kids? Just in the past few years of the news: Mormon fundamentalist raping 14 year old “wives,” Taliban fighters being admonished for the coerced (let’s just call it rape) gay sex with young recruits, and of course, the Catholic Church – the rape and molestation of kids champion among modern religions. Does God hate kids? Or, is God, in his cosmic middle age, vicariously looking for a little hot young action himself? In which case, if you are faithful, who are you to argue, I suppose.

But I am not faithful. I see the abuse of teenage girls as just that: abuse. Mormons, spend as much money fighting the polygamous rape of young teens as you did on Prop 8 and I will salute you. Polygamists, keep your marriage pickings to the post-high school age ranges, and I will support you as much as I support same sex couples. And Catholics, well, you gotta’ get rid of that bat shit-crazy pope, and demand your church hierarchy do DECADES of penance before I can hear it. I’m sorry, but the Catholic Church is one fucked-up institution.

My last word (you are thanking your god, if you’ve made it this far) is that being a prophet is a good racket. Good work if you can get it. Obedient followers handing over part or all of their wealth, aggrandizement of the masses, and all the young pussy you can handle. Kind of like a mafia don, only “moral.”

Make no Mistake, They are Coming for your Money

Progressives (now being turned into a dirty word by Fox News and the MSM) worked hard to elect a Democratic Congress, and a Democratic president in 2006 and 2008. We wanted to “change” the course of America away from the fetid ditch the Republicans were driving us into. And even after 2006, Democrats melted before the heat of Republican talking points. The one thing they fought on, that Cheney and his idiot couldn’t get passed, was the complete looting of Social Security.

Obama is “change”-ing that. They are coming for your money, right now. They are halfway there, maybe more. And, by the way, it is YOUR money – make no mistake. You have been paying into the system your entire working life, separate from income taxes, and so have your employers on your behalf. It’s yours, and they’re coming.

Now that the biggest banks and large corporations have harvested the economy, and left the fields depleted for your, and your childrens’ future, they want the last big pool of cash. The “entitlements.” They (mainly banks, Wall Street firms and conservatives) have been working tirelessly to change the common wisdom about entitlements. And it is taking hold right now. The word from Congressmen and pundits is “we’re out of money, we’re broke – so of course you’ll have to work until you are 70, and take less money out of the system.”

This is bullshit, but it is not being effectively countered, as usual.

It is not being countered because Obama has given his blessing to the Bipartisan Deficit Commission to reach deals that will cut the deficit. And, they started with the presumption that the deficit could not be addressed without slashing entitlements. Not cuts in military spending, not ending wars, or closing military bases in something-stan, no…take your money. Oh, and have we heard about raising taxes? Fuck no. But they are going to tell you that “we don’t have the money, what’re we gonna’ do?”

What these fuckers don’t tell you is that YOUR money was there. Social Security runs an enormous surplus. It’s not magic, it is basically an annuity. But they stole it, and spent it, and never had an intention of paying it back. The only way to pay it back is to raise taxes – to take the money from people who have the money, and nobody in DC will consider it because they are all whores who get some of that money too.

At a hearing recently, Alan Simpson, former Republican Senator from Wyoming and now chair of this committee said to a questioner “we’re out of money.” When the questioner brought up the surplus, Simpson said that it was “all IOUs,” and he made clear that the IOUs were pretty much worthless. What he didn’t say was that his name was on some of those IOUs. He wrote them without planning to pay them back. I call that stealing.

The other thing that Simpson said was that people are living longer now. To 78 years old on average. Back when Social Security was created, the average life span was 58. So retirement at 60 was easy! Most recipients would be dead. But it didn’t turn from 58 to 78 last year, as conservatives would have you believe by their framing. There has been a slow rise in life expectancy, along with a slow rise in SS retirement age. Again, no surprises.

So where did the money go? Tax cuts. Tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans and largest corporations. Oh, and two wars that were “emergency” funded on a Beijing credit card. Now that the wealthiest Americans have taken your social security payments through the tax cut back door, they don’t want to fulfill the IOU by paying more now to give you what you are entitled to: your entitlement.

The other bad, bad thing happening at this moment is the forming of the conventional wisdom through the main stream media. On the radio, and on TV I have heard at least half a dozen times the words “we’re broke” when referring to the Social Security issue. As if it was Social Security’s fault that our country has a deficit. The other talking point repeated is that “we’re living longer now,” two times since it was growled by Alan Simpson, as if this was new news. My prediction is that we will hear this from several more Republicans, and then we’ll hear it from Obama. Then you know he is not on your side.

America is broke, but Social Security is NOT. Workers of America have paid their fair share – their annuity payments – and are entitled to the payout. The Alan Simpsons, the Bush Seniors, the Bill Clintons, the George Bush’s and now the Barack Obamas of American government took that money without your permission, and don’t plan to pay it back. They stole it from you, and are about to piss on the giant pile of IOUs they laughingly put in place of your cash. And, they are convinced that they can get away with it, and make you believe there is no choice. But the choice is easy: raise taxes.

Raise taxes on the rich, on corporations and on average folks if needed. Anyone who benefited from the tax cuts needs to put it back in the kitty – that’s only fair. Lift the SS cap from the first 100,000 in income to 200,000. I have heard that that alone will extend Social Security solvency for at least another decade. Also, how about we get the fuck out of Iraq and Afghanistan. Those wars only benefit military contractors and corrupt partners overseas. We can’t afford that if we’re so broke. And as we spend as much on defense as the rest of the world combined, we can cut a lot there too. If your deficit commission fights for this FIRST, then I’m willing to listen to why I should work a year or two longer (but not five out of the gate).

But they won’t do this because they don’t think you will get pissed enough to make a difference at the polling places. The loud Tea Party folks that get riled up are a loud minority. The vast majority of Americans (including Tea Baggers) who will get screwed royally need to get royally pissed. If what I’ve said already doesn’t piss you off, think of it this way:

• Around one million dollars a day, in cash, leaves Afghanistan due to widespread corruption, most of it YOUR TAX DOLLARS, and still they are COMING FOR YOUR ENTITLEMENT!
• In 2009, Exxon – Mobil paid exactly ZERO DOLLARS in American corporate income tax, and still they are COMING FOR YOUR ENTITLEMENT!
• In early 2009, Goldman-Sachs took a 13 billion dollar back-door payout from AIG, all of it from the American taxpayer (you!), and still they are COMING FOR YOUR ENTITLEMENT!
• For 2009, Goldman-Sachs declared around 13 billion dollars in profit, declared a job well-done, and paid themselves many, many millions in executive bonuses, all of it from the American taxpayer, and still they are COMING FOR YOUR ENTITLEMENT!
• The Federal Reserve Bank prints money like crazy (your money – the Fed gets its backing from the US Government), loans it out currently an near ZERO PERCENT interest to the largest banks, and then borrows it back from those banks at around FOUR PERCENT. No, no, no…understand this, we’re giving those fuckers billions in free money, and still they are COMING FOR YOUR ENTITLEMENT!
• Those same banks are NOT LENDING to small businesses or individuals, nor are they negotiating with underwater mortgage holders like they agreed to, and still they are COMING FOR YOUR ENTITLEMENT!

They are coming for you! They want to fool you, bully you and finish robbing you. It is robbery, and they can’t wait to do it. Are you pissed yet? Get pissed, and let your spineless, weasely representatives know you know they are stealing your Social Security, and that you will, under NO CIRCUMSTANCES support them in any way unless they fight tooth and nail to replace what was taken. They need to make good the IOUs, or they are thieves who deserve to be kicked out of office.

Yeah, yeah…I’m sure they’re scared. But incumbents are going down at a high rate, and if they are stealing from you, Democratic representatives as well as Republicans should have no safe seat. Email Obama and tell him the deficit commission is bullshit and a means of stealing our long-contributed earnings. Also, email CNN, and other “news” sources and demand that the talking points being foisted on us be challenged. Same with the raft of “liberal” talk hosts who broadcast from up Obama’s ass. Fuck them up, all of them. Treat them like the robber who breaks into your hovel (figuratively!) and lay on the bear traps, baseball bats and Second Amendment toys (again, figuratively!). Do not be a “good Democrat” if that means getting robbed.